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Nights are proud waves: darkblue topheavy waves laden with all hues of deep spoil, laden with things unlikely and desirable.
Nights have a habit of mysterious gifts and refusals, of things half given away, half, withheld, of joys with a dark hemisphere. Nights act that way, I tell you.
The surge, that night, left me the customary shreds and odd ends: some hated friends to chat with, music for dreams, and the smoking of bitter ashes. The things my hungry heart has no use for.
The big wave brought you.
Words, any words, your laughter; and you so lazily and incessantly beautiful. We talked and you have forgotten the words.
The shattering dawn finds me in a deserted street of my city.
Your profile turned away, the sounds that go to make your name, the lilt of your laughter: these are illustrious toys you have left me.
I turn them over in the dawn, I lose them, I find them; I tell them to the few stray stars dogs and the few stray stars of the dawn.
Your dark rich life…
I must get at you, somehow: I put away those illustrious toys you have left me, I want your hidden look, your real smile –that lonely, mocking smile your cool mirror knows.
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La inútil alba me halla en una esquina desierta; he sobrevivido a la noche.
La gran ola te trajo.
El alba desgarradora me encuentra en una calle desierta de mi ciudad.
Tu oscura y rica vida...
Debo alcanzarte, de algún modo; dejé esos ilustres juguetes que me dejaste. Quiero tu mirada escondida, tu sonrisa verdadera: esa sonrisa burlona y solitaria que tu frío espejo conoce.
What can I hold you
with?
I offer you lean streets, desperate sunsets, the moon of ragged suburbs.
I offer you the bitterness of a man who has looked long and long at the lonely
moon.
I offer you my ancestors, my dead men, the ghosts that living men have honoured
in marble: my father’s father killed in the frontier of Buenos Aires, two
bullets through his lungs, bearded and dead, wrapped by his soldiers in the
hide of a cow; my mother’s grandfather –just twenty four- heading a charged of
three hundred men in Peru, now ghosts on vanished horses.
I offer you whatever insight my books may hold, whatever manliness or humour my
life.
I offer you the loyalty of a man who has never been loyal.
I offer you that kernel of myself that I have saved, somehow –the central heart
that deals not in words, traffics not with dreams and is untouched by time, by
joy, by adversities.
I offer you the memory of yellow rose seen at sunset, years before you were
born.
I offer you explanations of yourself, theories about yourself, authentic and
surprising news of yourself.
I can give you my loneliness, my darkness, the hunger of my heart; I am trying
to bribe you with uncertainty, with danger, with defeat.
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¿Con qué te puedo retener?
Te ofrezco calles estrechas, ocasos desesperados, la luna de los raídos
suburbios.
Te ofrezco la amargura de un hombre que ha mirado largo y tendido a la
solitaria luna.
Te ofrezco cualquier revelación que puedan tener mis libros, cualquier masculinidad o humor en mi vida.
Te ofrezco la lealtad de un hombre que nunca ha sido leal.
Te ofrezco el recuerdo de una rosa amarilla vista en el ocaso, años antes de que nacieras.
Te ofrezco explicaciones sobre vos, teorías sobre vos, auténticas y sorprendentes noticias sobre vos.
Puedo darte mi soledad, mis tinieblas, el hambre de mi corazón; estoy tratando de comprarte con incertidumbre, con peligro, con derrota.
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